I'm a little late with this but I LOVED Nick and Norah's infinite playlist. 


-I'm nervous about my math test.
-I want to do school full time instead of half time.
-I'm missing a special boy that plays on a drum machine.
-I'm tired.
-I am so ready for my birthday.
-I really want to see Wicked when it's in Jacksonville.
-My neck hurts.

I got to sleep in today, yay!  Ktb, Emily, and I went to see "He's just not that into you."  It started out good.  I could relate to it and it was sending a good message but then all of a sudden it did a 180 and contradicted what the message was.  I give it a 4 out of 10 points. 


I'm about to go to redbox and pick up a few movies I reserved.  Lakeview Terrace, Nick and Norah's infinite playlist, and Mamma Mia. (for my mom)

My aunt is a bitch but that's nothing new.  She's bitching about the woman who just gave birth to 8 kids but already has 6.
bitch: That doctor shouldn't be able to practice medicine anymore.  (I guess the woman got pregnant through in vitro fertilization)
me:  why?
bitch: Because she already had 6 kids.  She can't even support them.  She lives off the government and her parents.  She doesn't have a husband and lives with her parents.
me: Well are the 6 kids she already had healthy and taken care of?
bitch: Idk, but how is she going to be able to take care of all of them?
me: Maybe her parents help her.  You don't know her, you don't really know the situation.  You know what you hear through the media.  So until you are her neighbor and see the kids not being taken care of shut the fuck up.  the end.


My aunt has no room to talk.  She is a crappy mother.  Her kids can't stand her.


whatev.

ktb is hot.  I love her.  The end.

School is going well.  I really enjoy it.  It's pretty easy for the most part.  I want to be a Dental Hygienist and that's what I plan on doing but I have a passion for wedding planning.  At least I think I do.  I'm not sure if it's just something that all girls enjoy and it's just a phase or what. 

I've started talking to my dad again.  I want to have a relationship with him.  I've always wanted that.  From talking to him it seems like we have very similar personalities...go figure.  My mom doesn't know that I'm talking to him.  I think it's better to keep my relationships with them separate.  I'm actually planning to go visit him during my spring break.  It's really hard to keep things like this from my mom.  I tell her everything.  I was always told that my dad was a shitty husband and father.  I believed that for a long time.  I always thought that my mom was innocent and could do no wrong.  Nope, I found out otherwise.  My parents divorced when I was 2.  Ever since then my dad hasn't been apart of my life.  I just found out that it wasn't because he didn't want to be but because my mom didn't want him to be.  I cried to my mom since I was a young child about how much I wanted a dad and about how I missed him.  She comforted me for years telling me things like "it's his loss,"  I had no idea that she was keeping him away.  It's her fault that I didn't have a father growing up.  She acted like she had no idea why he didn't come around or call or write.  This has gone on for about 18 years.  Crazy, huh?  I don't know what to think of my mom anymore but this is something that I have to keep to myself.  I'm worried that if I confront her about it that she will get angry and cut me off.  I love her but I don't know how she could do something like that.  It seems to be for selfish reasons that I'm probably not going to understand.

I miss phil.  I'm really proud of him.  I can't wait to see him. 


I'm tired.  I get to sleep in tomorrow.  Yay!

So I now live in Jacksonville with my sister, her husband, and my niece.  For the most part it good.  Sometimes we get on each others nerves. lol  I'm in school, I love it so much. 


I'm sick and don't feel good but more entries to come.


ilup

I don't think I will ever find anyone like me.  I've always wanted to have a ton of things in common with someone else but I don't.  I can't find anyone that I really click with, I've come close but that's it.  I'm worried that my soul mate doesn't exist.

I've gotten so used to asking for another chance that at times I'm not sure that's what I really want.   <---That made since in my head.

I'm tired of people confusing me for a bitch/having an icy exterior.  I promise that I'm not/I don't.  How do I not get misinterpreted for a bitch while still being true to myself?

I am finally going to see Juno tonight.  I am very excited.

Things have changed like crazy.  I never ever ever in a million years ever thought that things would be like this.  As I read old things it makes me remember why I liked you and the things we had in common.  This is so weird.  




So many things that you've said while posting a journal, I've said.  Like exactly the same.  In some ways we think very very different but....come on.  I think you've forgotten about those things.  That's just an example....


I am officially blown away.  





we had so much fun....wow!

It's been quite a while since an update so I will just start with yesterday.

Yesterday I went to Wonderworks for the first time with Phil. It was really interesting. I expected it to have crafty things to do too....oh well. Afterwards we went out for pizza, then to the convention center to see what was going on. We got a Ronald McDonald note pad and a squishy alligator. Last night Phil and I met up with Ktb and her friend April at I-Bar. It was different, my first time, I had never been to a club before so it was neat. We departed the club for a while to grab some Planet Pizza. It was a fun experience.


I enjoy being "apart" of the Stuart clan. We always do new fun things as a family. My family never really did things together so this is really great.

Phil is a really great person. Things are going swimmingly. I couldn't ask for a better relationship. As our relationship has progressed we've hit a few bumps (deer) in the road but we've learned how to overcome them by making changes in ourselves to cater to the each others needs. It's like a well-oiled machine, it's nice. How did this all happen anyways? I never would have predicted this for my future last year. I'm so happy. He's a sweetheart and I love him.

I really need to start eating healthy and exercising instead of just talking about how I'm going to do it. I think I'm addicted to soda, it stinks. I was doing good for a while. I lost quite a bit but now I've recently gained half of it back. whew.

goodnight...for now.

So as it turns out this whole livejournal business helps out in some way. I'm a little confused to understand how it helps since I can't really be completely be honest about everything I say...hmm. Today was a little better then the last two days. Being around phil helps but as soon as he's not around I get to thinking and thinking turns into crying and being hurt. I guess I'm just going to need that constant reminder for a while. Geeze, I still can't get over the fact of you picking now, the time of all times for this to happen, when I needed you most. yay. It sucks because a part of me wants you to hurt as badly as I do. I pick fights with you and say very hurtful things but you asked for it. Me insecure....I wonder why?

I saved it to my e-mail, everytime I go there, I read it. I guess in a way i'm opening the scab back up and I'm not really sure why. I don't know if it helps or if it just makes me back into mush. Even now on the third day, while I'm reading it...I start shaking and it's hard to breathe.

You thought I was going to leave, I've never seen you like that before. I said everything that I hadn't said before. You were scared, I had the upper hand.


I'm sure that all of these jumbled thoughts don't make since to others but they don't have to. All that matters is that I know what they mean. What others think doesn't matter.



-giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.





_Phil, you are a wonderful person and I'm so happy to have you in my life today. You mean the world to me. You find a way to better our relationship everyday and I thank you for that. But I also thank you for being a wonderful boyfriend.

I wish everything was as simple as it used to be. The last two days have been the worst and I'm sure that the next few days will be just as bad. I forgave you but that doesn't mean that I can't still be angry with you.

honesty and trust.



instrumental: a reason to raise one's glass.


I've missed a lot of school this quarter, everyone either thinks it's because I'm sick constantly or that I'm just skipping school to hang out with phil.....it's actually neither. It kind of stinks when it gets around to you that your friends talk about you when your not around, they think that all of a sudden you've just turned into this school skipping kid. But if they're your friends you would think that they would stop to think about it and realize that skipping insane amounts of school just isn't like you but no they like to sit around and talk about you with other people that you thought were your friends.

HEY EVERYONE!!!

So the last few weeks have been a bit busy. On the 23rd I flew to Louisville, Kentucky.....such a nice place, I love that city. Then on the 28th I drove to Knoxville, Tennessee. Stayed for a couple days and flew home on the 30th. Christmas was nice, I didn't get to see any snow but I still had a really great time with Phil and his family. His family is really nice. New Years Eve wasn't spent how I had wanted to but at least it was with friends and family. It started out a bit rocky but then I got a very romantic surprise at the end. I'll tell ya, this boy is terrific. Anyways this past sunday night was so awesome because I got to hang out and catch up with KTB. It was great, we watched the new bachelor style show that features Flava Flave....so funny. Monday I woke up early and drove up to Atlanta, Georgia with Phil. So far so good. I really like this area. Right now he has friends over and they're playing poker. His friends are nice too.

I hope everyone is doing well and I hope to see you all soon

*Ms. Neander, thanks for the chat before christmas break....it helped. Love you*

with love, jess

geeze everything sucks.
This past week and a half has been so crazy.
I can't wait for tomorrow morning because that's when I'm gonna have my fresh start. I'm gonna wake up in an awesome mood and then have a really good day.


I'm feeling a little stressed.
nmnvoiahfjnbisdjfo[ijfbl'amfio

oh well.



I feel like I'm missing a little piece of me and it makes me sad. But it won't be for too long.
::sigh::





So coach Kil was at my aunts funeral yesterday.....creepy.

Tomorrow is spirit day. Tons of face painting and hair glitter. That's fine though because it will keep me busy....that's what I need.
I think I have a CHS shirt to wear for tomorrow. hmm.

I hate math, it sucks SO much.

miss you.
I hate sleeping alone.

peace out. A-town.
love jess

WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW

What a week/weekend?!?!?!


This past week/weekend had to have been THE BEST EVER!!!!!!!!!
no joke.


Wednesday Phil and I went to Atlanta/Marietta, Georgia.....it was sooo much fun.
On the way we saw fireworks. awww.
I absolutely love traveling and I could do it all day if I had to.
We got there pretty late. Saw Christine and Vince for a few minutes and then went to visit Aaron.

Thursday we woke up early and got on the road to make our way to Louisville, Kentucky......WOW! I love it there sooo much. If I could move anywhere in the country it would definitely be there. We arrived at papa's house, chilled for a while....I got the grand tour, and then we went out for shopping at a couple of malls. After shopping I remembered that my cousins that I haven't seen in like 5 years live in Kentucky but I wasn't sure where. So I called my aunt to see where they lived, here's the convo in a nut shell:

me: Hey aunt Ro, where does Chris and Danny live?
ar: Louisville, Kentucky...why?
me: guess where I am.
ar: idk where?
me: Louisville, Kentucky.
ar: OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!! ::freaking out:: Let me give you his number...this is unbelievable.
me: thanks aunt Ro ttyl.

I call my cousin it turns out that he lives 10 minutes away from where I was. So we make plans to go over there after dinner.
Phil took me out to eat at Carabba's....it was really good and we had a great time.
After dinner we went over to my cousins. It was great to get to see them after it had been so long. We took a bunch of pictures and chilled for a while.
When we left, Vince gave us a tour of downtown Louisville.

Friday everyone slept in and hung out. Later we went shopping again, ate at White Castle, and then went to a very extravagant wedding. The reception was in downtown Louisville at this place called Glass Works......it had to have been the wealthiest wedding I have ever been to. It was a lot of fun. Everyone was so nice. We danced quite a bit and just overall had an awesome time. When we got home we went swimming in this huge heated pool. It was great. FYI: it was FrEeZiNg in Kentucky at the time.

Saturday we headed back to Atlanta. When we got there we took out the Mercedes and put the top down.....so much fun. We had dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings with a couple friends, went to this AWESOME concert at this place called The House, and visited a few other people around town.

Sunday we went to the Marietta square and did a little more shopping. We went to Gage's house and he has this swing thing in his back yard and it's scary but then it's awesome. It's hard to explain but once again we had a great time. Then we had lunch with Christine at a mexican restaurant where we came up with the fabulous idea to go to Six Flags for Fright Fest. YAYYAYAYAYAYYAYY!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhh!!!!!!!!! It was great. We went and we went on this roller coaster called the Georgia Scorcher and apparently it's like the first stand up roller coaster. You stay standing up the entire time as you go through loops and everything. It was crazy but a lot of fun. We went on a bunch of other rides too. We hung out with Danny and Ronnie for a while after Six Flags and then went home. When we got there we ordered pizza and watched the Family Guy movie with Christine.

Today we drove back to shit-town, Florida. I hate it so much here. Florida sucks sooo bad.

Anyways I'm sure I forgot to mention a few really awesome things about this trip but you get the point.....I had a ridiculously good week/weekend.

Phils family is PHENOMINAL and I love them.

oh and the drive from Atlanta to Louisville....OMG it was so pretty. Mountains, lakes, the different color leaves, and just everything....it's beautiful.

geeze, I feel like I'm forgetting so much.
hmm, idk.


Here's a few quotes from the trip:

"Peace out, A-town"

"are you in love with me?"

"let's just do it so we can say that we went swimming in papa's pool at 1 in the morning"

"Did that just say what I think it said?" "mhm....BEST BUY CASKETS." haha, ahhhh!

"buy our casket made of cotton....." haha

"unbelievable....night and day, night and day."


that's it for now.


I hope everyone had a good night.




love jess

hahahaha.


Guess what?!

My sister's coming to town....YAY!!!!



THE ALWAYS LOVELY KTB IS COMING TO MY HOUSE THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so excited.


today is good.

me = happy :)

....because of you!



old macky's back in town!



she's a bad mamma jamma!



okay that's all for now.



I love you!!!!!!!

"and I'll aim at your Georgia dome"


"nothin on my mind but GEORGIA"


love jess

I wish that I wouldn't have said anything, then again where would that leave me?


Do you ever feel like you have so much to say but can't find where to start?
That's how I feel right now. I haven't updated very much lately because of it. I have no idea where to begin, that and I'm at a loss for words.

Cause you know your just scared to lose.
you say....stay.

soon enough.



I'll put on that happy face though.
Do that fake laugh.
The whole 9 yards.
promise.



love jess

That's what my powerpoint was on.

holy shit, holy shit, fuck, fuck, fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! So I just got done presenting my huge powerpoint project for my business management class and it was sooo nerve racking. ugh...I'm so glad that's over.


I'm still kind of shaking from being so god awful nervous.
whatever


Family Guy was awesome last night.
yay.

i miss you, ktb.


that's all for now.

love jess

I've definitely used this phrase a time or two. oops.

The grass is always greener on the other side:

If the grass is greener on the other side, then the guy with the greener grass doesn't think your grass is greener now does he, asshole? The message that this proverb is trying to stumble through is that everything always looks more attractive when you don't have it. I'm sure there are millionaires crying themselves to sleep every night because they don't live in a trailer park. Just face it: sometimes nobody envies you. There has to be a bottom and that bottom is probably you

* section 1 - about me... *

+ Known as: Jessica
+ Lives in: Inverness, FL
+ Birthday: April 24, 1988
+ School: Citrus high school
+ Religion: it's there
+ Shoe size: 7 1/2
+ Hair color: Brown
+ Eye color: Brown...sometimes green
+ Style: umm....a little bit of everything

* section 2 - have you ever... *

+ Cheated on someone?: of course not.
+ Been Cheated on?: no
+ Fallen off the bed?: yes.
+ Broken someone’s heart?: no.
+ Had your heart broken?: hurt but not broken.
+ Had a dream come true?: no
+ Done something you regret?: no regrets
+ Cheated on a test?: who hasn't.

* section 3 - currently *

+ Wearing?: blue jeans, studded belt, red t-shirt from state
+ Listening to?: Copeland- Brightest
+ Located?: at the computer desk
+ Chatting with?: Tatiana and Lee
+ Watching?: Shaun of the Dead
+ Should REALLY be doing? becoming better friends with Expedia.com.

* section 4 - do you... *

+ Brush your teeth?: yeah!!
+ Have any piercings?: ears and eyebrow
+ Drive?: close
+ Drink?: occasionally
+ Smoke?: No Never, not my thing!
+ Got a cell?: yes.

* section 5 - the last person you... *

+ Hugged?: the moms
+ Kissed?: next
+ IMed?: Tatiana
+ Talked on the phone: Michael
+ Yelled at?: yelling is lame.

* section 6 - personal *

+ What do you want to be when you finish college?: Dental Hygienist
+ What has been the best day of your life?: it was just a day speant with my friends, it was great. I'll never forget it.
+ What comes first in your life?: my family.
+ Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/crush?: negative
+ What are you most scared of?: getting hurt
+ What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: everything.
+ Did you lose someone you really loved?: yes
+ How many times have you fallen in love?: 0
+ Love your family?: always
+ Love your friends?: forever
+ Are you a virgin?: yes

* section 7 - favorite *

+ Movie: The Grinch
+ Song: next
+ Band: next
+ Store: disney store
+ Relative: my brother
+ Sport: football
+ Ice Cream Flavor: peanut butter cup
+ Fruit: watermelon
+ Candy: nerds
+ Day of the Week: sunday
+ Time: 3:16 a.m.
+ Color: green
+ Name for a Girl: Hannah
+ Name for a Boy: Grant or Graham

* section 8 - do you *

+ Like to give hugs?: yeah
+ Like to give kisses?: mhm
+ Like to walk in the rain?: who doesn't
+ Prefer black or blue pens?: blue
+ Like to travel?: I love it! sometimes it's better alone.
+ Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: stomach
+ Have a goldfish?: no
+ Ever have the falling dream?: yes, like every night
+ Have stuffed animals?: not really

* section 9 - what do you think about... *

+ Abortion: It's definitely an option, I don't want kids anytime soon, not until I'm like 27 or so.
+ Suicide: sad, disappointing
+ Smoking: I don't like it, but I'm okay with other's doing it. I just know that I'll regret it later so I choose not to do it.
+ Eating disorders: lame
+ Summer: GREAT!
+ Tattoos: I don't really want one but it's cool on other people.
+ Piercings: I have a couple, they're okay.

* section 10 - this or that *

+ Pierced nose or tongue?: tongue
+ Single or taken?: what?! NEXT!
+ MTV or BET?: MTV
+ 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: Dawson's Creek all the way.
+ Sugar or salt?: Sugar
+ Silver or gold?: Gold
+ Chocolate or flowers?: Flowers
+ Color or Black-and-white photos?: Black-and-white
+ M&Ms or Skittles?: M&Ms
+ Stay up late or sleep inl?: Stay up late
+ Hot or cold?: cold
+ Mustard or ketchup?: Ketchup
+ Spring or Fall?: Fall.
+ Happy or sad?: happy of course
+ Wonder or amazement?: amazement
+ Mexican or Italian: Italian
+ Candy or Soda?: Candy
+ Pepsi or Coke?: Pepsi

Remind me never to think of it again. That would be the greatest favor.

Every word is turned into something that it was never mean't to be, to me.
Unless it is mean't the way it's said.
But I can't listen to them anymore.



False hope. False knowing.


It's all good now. Really, it is.

I couldn't be happier.


hmm.